


Kisses

by Mireille



Series: Conspiracy Theory universe [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-05
Updated: 2009-01-05
Packaged: 2019-03-21 19:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13747989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mireille/pseuds/Mireille
Summary: Kissing isn't as simple as it's cracked up to be.





	Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a present for soft_princess; it's set in the universe of Conspiracy Theory (which is post-Chosen Giles/Xander), and features one of the young Slayers introduced in that story.

The first girl Catherine ever kissed was called Ruth. Ruth wasn't a Slayer; she was going to be a Watcher when she grew up, and she had apparently started her career by watching Catherine.   
  
They met behind the tool shed in Mr. Giles' back garden, and Catherine's heart pounded in terror at the thought of being caught by Mr. Harris or Mr. Giles. Mr. Harris would be the worst, she thought, because he'd want to  _talk_  about it. Mr. Giles would only give her a detention and tell her not to do it again, and she thought she could just about cope with  _that_.   
  
Nobody caught them, though. Ruth pressed her lips to Catherine's; they were dry and warm and a little chapped from the wind, and the kiss was almost unbearably awkward, but it was... nice.   
  
Nice, Catherine thought, was not what she wanted from a kiss. She wished she could blame it on the confusion about where the noses went, but she suspected there was another reason.   
  


****

  
  
The second girl Catherine kissed was called Anamaria, and she was the only Slayer their age who could run faster than Catherine. "I let you catch me," Catherine said, in Anamaria's room after lights-out; Niki wouldn't tell on her, and Océane was probably sneaking back in after meeting That Boy, anyway.   
  
"Of course you did," said Anamaria, and kissed her. Catherine opened her mouth a little, mostly in surprise, and then gasped at the feeling of a tongue slipping past her parted lips. At least she wasn't so worried about her nose this time, and it wasn't  _awkward_ ; odd and unfamiliar and not  _quite_  right, but it wasn't awkward. Anamaria would have no way to tell, she thought, that Catherine had only kissed one girl before, and not at all like this.   
  
But then a hand slid under Catherine's t-shirt, sliding up her stomach, and Catherine pulled away. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, looking down at the floor. "I'm sorry, I can't." She fled the room before Anamaria could say anything, secure that at least the other girls would never know, even if Anamaria thought she was afraid.   
  
She wasn't afraid. She just knew what she wanted, and in that moment, she'd realized that she didn't want to settle for anything else.   
  


****

  
  
It would be pure melodrama to say that the girl Catherine  _wanted_  to kiss didn't know she was alive, and Catherine was determined not to be melodramatic about this. Océane was her best friend  _and_  her roommate, after all; there was no way Océane didn't know she was there.   
  
She just didn't think of Catherine that way. Partly--mostly--it was because Catherine was a girl, of course; Océane didn't  _look_  at girls the way Catherine did. But partly, Catherine suspected, it was because Catherine was, well,  _Catherine_ : tall and skinny and knobby-kneed and shy and serious. She had hope for herself; pictures from when her mother was at school showed that she'd looked a lot like Catherine, and now she looked... decent. But not, if Catherine was being honest, pretty.   
  
Océane was pretty. She was beautiful, in fact, and she knew how to talk to boys--not that Catherine  _wanted_  to talk to boys, not in  _that_  way, anyway, but Catherine couldn't really talk to girls, either--and she laughed a lot, and it was probably a blessing that Océane  _didn't_  look at girls the way that Catherine did, now that Catherine sat down and thought about it.   
  
As hard as it was to see Océane looking at boys, it would be even harder to see her looking at girls, and  _still_  not ever seeing Catherine.

**Author's Note:**

> [me on tumblr](https://mireille719.tumblr.com)


End file.
